Shavette Uppuraz, email

UPON arriving home from work, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained: “It’s the chemist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”

Immediately the husband drove to the chemist shop to demand an apology.

But before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him: “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but in my haste I locked the house with both the house and car keys inside.

I had to break a window to get my keys. Now I was really late, so I drove too fast, and got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tyre.

“When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started serving all these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off.

Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick them up, and all while the phone was still ringing. Then I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a display case with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke.

“The phone was still ringing, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, mister, I told her!”