BLUE OVAL BLUES

Redmond, email

I WOULD like to suggest we all take time out and quietly consider the people in the community who suffer from mental health issues. In short: Ford owners.

These poor, simple folk spend (waste) their time sitting nervously behind the Blue Oval, feeling blue.

Hopelessness, apathy, delusion and despair are feelings that are so commonly and keenly felt by Ford owners, and it is our duty to watch over these lost sheep and make sure they play carefully and harmlessly with their worthless toys.

How disheartening it must be for them sitting in that blue paddock, when just over the fence on the green pasture the Holden Lion sits and rejoices in the awesome feeling of being the ruler of steel and rubber in this lucky country.

Admittedly, the GT brigade have accomplished some good, namely instantly curing my insomnia when at a car show an owner regales me in mindnumbing, spirit-crushing detail about how Ford actually built five XA GTHO Phase IVszzzzzzzzz. Then there’s the XD/XE guys who have $1500 worth of Tupperware glued to their Falcons and insist: “There is no question, it is a genuine Phase V mate.” Sure, but is it dishwasher-proof?

So in these early days of 2016 I hope you can find time to spare a thought for all the intellectually impaired Ford owners. Take some pity on them, and maybe even lend them an extra set of hands to push that filthy Blue Oval back into the shed.

Happy New Year.