OPEN SEASON

Gaines Thalaw, email

A TRUCK driver is hauling a load of computers.

After a long day’s driving, he pulls into a small town in the Silicon Valley to stop for the night. He decides he wants a beer, and heads to the bar, but as he approaches he sees a big sign on the door reading: Nerds Not Allowed – Enter at Your Own Risk.

Thinking nothing of it, he enters the bar and sits down. The bartender comes over, eyeing him suspiciously, and starts sniffing him. “You smell kinda nerdy,” he tells the truck driver. “What’s your business?”

The truck driver tells the barkeep his occupation and says the smell is just from the computers he’s hauling. The bartender says: “Okay, I guess truck drivers aren’t nerds.” He serves the man a beer.

Just then, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with 12 kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least 30cm too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

“What the hell did you do that for?” the truck driver asks.

“Don’t worry,” the bartender replies, “it’s just that nerds have overpopulated the Silicon Valley, and now they are in season. You don’t even need a licence.”

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back out onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load.

Remembering what had happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A police car comes zooming up and the officer jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver says: “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.”

“Sure,” the cop replies, “but you can’t bait ’em.”