Side swipe

I get frustrated at other drivers because I believe they can do better – really, I think it makes me a humanitarian

Tim Keen

A PPARENTLY bumper stickers are an accurate predictor of whether you’re likely to lamp someone who cuts you off in traffic. Stop reading now if the back of your car is mummified with stick-on wisdom – no, seriously, stop reading, in case you get triggered and come after me with a tyre-iron, you crazed loon. However, according to the psychologists at Colorado State University, the theory goes like this.

Humans are territorial animals, even though for us modern animals that territory may only extend a few feet from where we’re standing. But for some people, their cars become an extension of their territory. People who have a strong sense that their entire to be road-far as the strong indicators And apparently fact that urge, not Mr “Magic over there? The thing the novelty signifies very different, I’m not saying or wear types of circle than lot of bumper wearing more expensive like T-shirts the car tattoos mind. As agree with of you for Which a study I’m pretty have any number reckon there’s territorial see a car modified wheeling ire vehicle is part of their personal space are more likely d-ragers than those whose personal space only goes as e steering wheel. And bumper stickers are apparently dicators of territorial feelings about your car. pparently it doesn’t matter what the stickers say – the you have them is the indicator of the animal territorial the content. So the “Baby On Board” woman? Psycho. gic Happens”? Psycho. Old “Honk if you love Jesus” re? Psycho. ing is, it seems to me that bumper stickers are lty T-shirts of the car world – a simple logo one thing, a zany one signifies something ferent, but all of them are saying “Look at me”. aying it’s a bad thing to have bumper stickers, T-shirts, but I think a Venn diagram of the two people would look a lot more like a perfect an Katy Perry’s sternum. You don’t see a umper stickers on cars driven by people suits. In fact, when you’re talking about pensive cars, bumper stickers are less hirts and more like the facial tattoos of world. And – no offence, Mr Tyson – facial are rarely a sign of a calm, unflappable s someone wrote on Reddit, “Even if I th your bumper sticker, I still think less r having a bumper sticker.” h is why it’s maybe misleading to do just of people with bumper stickers. y territorial about my car, and I don’t y bumper stickers – hell, I’d take the plates off if I could get away with it. I here’s other indicators that someone is al about their car. Like, say, when you that’s spotlessly clean, or customised or d – that’s the car that you take extra care g your shopping trolley past. Especially if the owner is wearing a novelty T-shirt and has a face tattoo.

For the record, I don’t think road rage is always a bad thing.

I mean, dragging someone out of their car and beating them with a tire iron is a bad thing (apparently, according to my parole officer), but I think road rage – well, road irritation – is a sign of optimistic expectations. I get frustrated at other drivers because I believe they can do better – really, I think it makes me a humanitarian. I’m surprised the Nobel committee hasn’t contacted me, the way I shout encouragement out my window when some numpty stops across the intersection. And I don’t have any bumper stickers or face tattoos. Although I do mark my scent on the gutter when I park. That’s probably a clue. M